my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
handjob tips. give me some.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
i now understand why vodka
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
