thus making me awesome and them whores
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
