i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
