dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
