If i come over, it means nothing
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Randomize
