Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize