My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
