I must be too annoying 4 u.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
