Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
