I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
