You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize