my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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