he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
