i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
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