i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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