TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize