Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
All the doctor said was why
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
