hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
