been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
