he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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