if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
You have to summon your inner elephant
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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