we have officially lost it.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
