When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
