i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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