I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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