I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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