I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
