You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
