The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
he was CRYING into my vagina
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
