I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
