I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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