so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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