This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
