matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
