woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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