The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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