I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
