oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
