...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize