Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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