Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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