It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
they need to just BURY HIM!
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
