Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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