Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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