i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
It's never too late to be topless.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
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