Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
