It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
So much Jack, so little girl.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
