Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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