i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
