Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize