I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
