my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize