OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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