we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
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