My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
