I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
