I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
