They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Randomize
