Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Randomize
