i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
