Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
