dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
