Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
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