I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
