Please, let me fuck your mom
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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