do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Dicks are not precious.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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