the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
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