***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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