it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
