It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
