Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Acid is not a monday night drug
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Well I just put wine in my tea
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
