We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
