I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Randomize
