I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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