The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
