what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
