God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
