Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
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