office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
