I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
