Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I cannot find my penis.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
