so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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