Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
