I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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