just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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