i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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