@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize