After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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