Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
